Hello friends,

I was listening to a message from Sis. Claudette Walker about gifts from God, and these “gifts” were not what we would expect. The gift of “no,” and the gift of “wait,” were two of the “gifts” she talked about. During her message she spoke to women who were struggling with disappointment. “God knows you’re disappointed in Him, but it’s okay. He’s a big God. He can handle your disappointment. Just don’t let it defeat you.” (not a direct quote; a synopsis of her point)

These words hit me hard because it dawned on me how disappointed I was, and that I was actually disappointed in God. I was disappointed in dreams unfilled, in the intense struggle involved in pursuing a dream. I felt disappointed in how alone I felt in the struggle. I felt ignored, and worse than that, I felt that my Heavenly Father simply didn’t care. I even prayed asking for this intense passion to be removed from my life. That it hurt too much. If nothing was going to happen, then what a complete waste of time. “Just take it away!” I would cry. “Take this desire to write, this love of words, this dream to be a successful author away from me!” To make matters worse, I watched as other writer friends got the publishing deals. I got to see their books on the bookstore shelves. The disappointment brewed like a bubbling caldron of toxic hurt, anger, and frustration.

But it got better, right? You’re a published author now, so it must have gotten better! 

The disappointment, unfortunately, shifted. Nothing was ever enough. What’s the point in being a published author if no one buys your books? What’s the point of being a published author if my books aren’t on bookstore shelves? Let’s just say it didn’t happen the way I wanted it to happen, therefore, disappointment found a reason to stay.

It’s not supposed to be this hard.

Why can’t God simply make it happen? 

Why am I spending more money than earning? (This is actually a common dilemma in publishing and/or any small business endeavor)

This post isn’t meant to be depressing (I promise!), but it is meant to be transparent. I felt so alone in this disappointment that I’m wanting you to know that you are not alone in these feelings you may be having (in whatever situation you may be struggling with). God is BIG enough to handle your disappointment, even if you are partly disappointed in Him. He just doesn’t want you to dwell in it. He’s saying, “Trust me.” Jesus reassures his followers in Matthew 10:29-31: “Are not two sparrows sold for a cent? And yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows.”

If we’re not careful we’ll dwell in disappointment, and it will defeat us. And that, my friends, is not the will of God. It may not happen in a way we hoped or planned or prayed, but God is still in control, and He is always victorious.

I encourage you to remind yourself of who you are in God. You are “more than a conqueror.” So, if you’re struggling with disappointment, don’t let it defeat you. Set the disappointment at the foot of the cross, and let God fight your battles.

We may be disappointed, but we refuse to be defeated. Godspeed.

Hugs,

Janice